“We are here! We are here!”

“You should write a blog.”

I’m pretty sure I’m one in a million people who have heard this and have done nothing about it. This is my first attempt (and already I see this site provides some minor spell check so I think we will be good here). Best of luck to us both.

My biggest goal is to write. Let me flush that out… to write often. Well, to write often without too much editing (I like editing, it’s a real issue).

So, a little about me… I’m a mom. I have two kids, one is a 17 year old musical theater girl, the other is a 20 year old boy on the spectrum who wants to be a roboticist. I am the clinical director at a special ed school owned and operated by my family. I am introverted and have Social Anxiety Disorder, but I have to adult everyday, and deal with people, so it’s kind of draining.

But enough about me, for now…

This morning on the way to work I passed what looked like a homeless women walking down the street pushing a vertical shopping cart. She was colorful. She was colorful because she was wearing many layers of colorful clothing and had a lot of colorful things in her shopping cart. But, the thing that stood out to me, was the bullhorn. Wearing the strap crosswise against her body she carried a bullhorn on her back. In the few moments my car was passing by I couldn’t help but wonder why she had a bullhorn or what she planned to do with it.

Sometimes I wish I had a bullhorn (okay, I guess we are back to me now). I’ve often referred to myself as the littlest Who in Whoville, shouting to Horton’s non-believing forest-mates, “WE ARE HERE! WE ARE HERE!” I think a bullhorn would have been really useful in that story. I live between two worlds, one of wanting attention and one of not wanting to be noticed. Really I guess there’s no way to be happy, or, I’m always somewhat happy, because I’m always somewhere on the scale of being noticed and being ignored. It’s similar to having Social Anxiety Disorder – I don’t want to feel lonely and isolated, but being around people is scary and exhausting. I’d like to be able to disappear, on purpose, in those moments that I trip over something and everyone turns to stare, or I make a joke that unintentionally offends someone, or I look down at myself at work and see bird poop on my shirt (okay, that last one is not uncommon, since I own a bird). But I’d also like to be noticed, not for those things, but in those moments that I say something incredibly witty, or solve a problem that’s difficult to figure out, or totally rock shaping my eyebrows. So, yeah, I want both to be noticed and ignored.

I guess, ideally, I want an invisibility cloak AND a bullhorn. That would be awesome.

 

 

 

 

 

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